Intercom to the Great Beyond

Everyone has a guilty pleasure. Mine? Buffy the Vampire Slayer is off the air. Survivor? Totally passé. And let’s just forget my love for the music of “A-ha” (still poised for a US comeback!). I now have a new guilty pleasure.

I’m addicted to Crossing Over with John Edward! For those of you not in the know, John Edward is a psychic medium. People wait for months, even years to go to his show taping for a chance to receive messages from their deceased relatives via Edward.

“I’m with an older female who has passed,” he’ll say. “They’re giving me an unusual ‘P’ name, something like ‘Penelope or Penny’ and I’m seeing blackness in the throat area which could be throat cancer or something with the thyroid.”

“My aunt died of throat cancer,” a woman says. “Her name was Philomena.”

John nods at her, “I’m with you,” and the show leaps out the starting gate.

Now, if you are a skeptic to such a thing, please take this moment to breathe… BREATHE… that’s it… ah there you go. A few weeks ago I mentioned my fascination with this show to a friend of mine and he became very upset at me. It was then that I realized: the passion of the believers is equally matched by that of the skeptics.

But who cares if this is real? It’s outstanding television!

I personally get a kick from seeing John Edward wear his ego like a flashing banner over his head. The show often opens with Edward entering the gallery to an Oprah-like standing ovation. The expression on these women’s faces! Eyes wide as saucers, housewives drooling with adoration at seeing Edward in the flesh. Of course, they could easily have CUT this fifteen seconds from the show and do more pychic readings. But I envision John sitting in the edit bay, making them cut 15 seconds from poor dead Philomena so he can see people screaming at him like he’s the fifth Beatle.

And why not? Edward is simply using one of the oldest dramatic devices in story telling: If you want people to like your main character, show people liking your main character.

But Edward’s ego extends to his website as well. Click on the photo gallery link and you’ll find (what else?) glamour shots of Edward himself. There’s “Soft focus” Edward… “Edward at work” Edward… “Now my Sweater’s Red” Edward… “Cuddle-With-Me-By-the-Fire” Edward… and “Sorta Bathed in White Light” Edward.

The show often does updates, where they visit the people who were read at the show previously. These depict the audience member gazing fondly at photos of their deceased, or walking in slo mo through their garden – a newfound peace settled upon them thanks to Edward and his intercom with the great beyond. “Say something nice about John,” the producers probably say. “He really likes that.” And why shouldn’t the people oblige?

I often wonder about the updates we don’t see. The bitter, depressed and angry ones. Like Christina, whose Grandmother Addy didn’t come through to John when Christina was at the show. “There’s no way Grandma Addy wouldn’t come through if this was real,” she might say. “I knew John was a fraud.”

“Now, now,” John would scold. “If you don’t say something nice about me, I won’t put you on the show.”

Or, he might deflect the blame and transform Christina’s anger into gut-wrenching guilt. “There’s only one reason Addy wouldn’t come through for you, Christina. You must not have loved your grandma enough.”

I guess he’ll always edit out his throwing barbs like that one. But what John Edward does always say is that we should "appreciate, communicate and validate the ones we love" in the present, so we won’t need a medium to do so when they are gone. That, and he says our departed loved ones can see everything we are doing from their perch on the other side.

Really? Everything?

Uch.