Oriental UPS Driver Thinks He’s Better Than Me
by Selma Jensen, guest blogger
After being a crossing guard at Woodrow Wilson Middle School in Glendale California for eight years, I have seen a lot, I’ll tell you that. But what happened on Friday set back the human race a few 100 years.
Attention oriental UPS driver... Here’s a little Chinese wisdom: You are not better than me!
“How are you today?” I said.
It’s what we call being friendly. Maybe they don’t teach you how to do that over in Tokyo. You looked around like you were confused or something...
Wha? What's that? Where's that strange noise coming from?
Then you saw me and acted all surprised. Funny, you seemed to notice me two seconds ago when I stopped you at the crosswalk and you muttered something under your breath.
Maybe you’re having trouble with the language barrier. Around these parts we speak English, Yoko!
Or maybe you’re just in too much of a hurry to be friendly. Yeah, I know those Panda-flex folders have to get to Mrs. Crenshaw’s Home-Ec drawer asap! Wouldn’t want you to lose that precious .25 seconds saying hello to the crossing guard, no sir!
You really think you’re so high and mighty, don’t you? Strutting around in your short pants -- flexing those hairless brown calves of yours left and right, leaving that whiff of Old Spice and B.O. two seconds off your tail... You're not impressing anyone! You are not better than me!
That's your ancient Chinese secret right there!
Oh, and by all means, just flip on those hazard lights and run inside while your truck sits here wide open. Listen up, Tito! Don’t expect me to watch those boxes. I am not your security guard and if something happens to that brown bus of yours while I’m defending children from speed demons, read my lips...
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE!
All you really are is just another bus driver, driving around cartons of catalog junk.
What say you and me make a deal, huh? Next time I say, “How are you?” take the attitude down a notch. So help me, I’ll tie your tail to that dolly of yours and have you delivered back to the Immigration office. Don’t think I won’t do it, too!
After being a crossing guard at Woodrow Wilson Middle School in Glendale California for eight years, I have seen a lot, I’ll tell you that. But what happened on Friday set back the human race a few 100 years.
Attention oriental UPS driver... Here’s a little Chinese wisdom: You are not better than me!
“How are you today?” I said.
It’s what we call being friendly. Maybe they don’t teach you how to do that over in Tokyo. You looked around like you were confused or something...
Wha? What's that? Where's that strange noise coming from?
Then you saw me and acted all surprised. Funny, you seemed to notice me two seconds ago when I stopped you at the crosswalk and you muttered something under your breath.
Maybe you’re having trouble with the language barrier. Around these parts we speak English, Yoko!
Or maybe you’re just in too much of a hurry to be friendly. Yeah, I know those Panda-flex folders have to get to Mrs. Crenshaw’s Home-Ec drawer asap! Wouldn’t want you to lose that precious .25 seconds saying hello to the crossing guard, no sir!
You really think you’re so high and mighty, don’t you? Strutting around in your short pants -- flexing those hairless brown calves of yours left and right, leaving that whiff of Old Spice and B.O. two seconds off your tail... You're not impressing anyone! You are not better than me!
That's your ancient Chinese secret right there!
Oh, and by all means, just flip on those hazard lights and run inside while your truck sits here wide open. Listen up, Tito! Don’t expect me to watch those boxes. I am not your security guard and if something happens to that brown bus of yours while I’m defending children from speed demons, read my lips...
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE!
All you really are is just another bus driver, driving around cartons of catalog junk.
What say you and me make a deal, huh? Next time I say, “How are you?” take the attitude down a notch. So help me, I’ll tie your tail to that dolly of yours and have you delivered back to the Immigration office. Don’t think I won’t do it, too!
posted by "Harold" at 12:29 AM
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