You Kids Think You’re Better Than Me

by Selma Jensen

I’ve been a crossing guard at Woodrow Wilson Middle School in Glendale California for eight years. Eight years! You’d think I could get a little respect from you foul-mouthed rug rats.

Some people say you kids are getting worse every year. You’re not. You’re just as stupid and obnoxious as you were eight years ago. And every last one of you damn kids thinks you’re better than me.

Do you think I can’t see it in your eyes? The way you don’t make eye contact? The way I can stand alone with you at the crosswalk and you pretend I’m not there? You’d think I could get a simple ‘thank you’ for helping you cross the street one day, but all I get is contempt.

Newsflash, junior! You can’t drive a car, order alcohol, or go to an R-rated movie without your mommy. You’re not better than me!

Speaking of mommies... you parents are real pieces of work, I'll tell you that. I’m out here saving lives every day, what are YOU doing besides sitting in your Lexus SUV's picking your nose? You think I don’t see you roll your eyes when I stop you at the crosswalk? You can’t wait 30 seconds to pull away from the curb, and it’s YOUR KID I’M GUIDING ACROSS THE STREET!!

You shake that head of yours at me one more time, lady, and I'll slam this stop sign at your car so hard it'll set off your airbag and blow that six inch mask of makeup off your face and out the back window -- I'll tell you that.

And you school administrators! Don’t get me started with you pinheads. You think you can recruit some “gifted and talented” 12 year old to do what I do every day??

I AM A PROFESSIONAL!

Look that word up if you want.

‘Oh, we can save so much money if we get rid of Selma,’ they say. Yeah, I know my $11.65 four hours a day is a real strain on the city budget.

I'll tell what, mister, you mess with the bull, you'll get the horns. Don't think I won't do it, too. I know where you live.