Tahoe Skiing: Spitters Assumed

While in Tahoe, I was able to get in one day of spring skiing at a place called Kirkwood, a beautiful resort beyond the south rim of the lake. I enjoyed Kirkwood quite a bit, but was disturbed to find too many of the runs going directly below the ski lift.

I dislike skiing under the lift due to the high probability that I’m going to be spit on by those who are dangling from the chairs. What better have they to do up there than play target practice on those below? Can’t say I really blame them. Because Kirkwood was actually very cold, I would suspect that any spit would likely have turned to ice by the time it hit the ground (or my head). Still, I’m not too excited to about being pelted with ice loogies either.

So intense is my fear of being spit on that, as a run swerves beneath the lift, my heart begins to pound and I become self-conscious. How’s my form? Is someone in that chair? Are they watching me, or enjoying the view? What if they start critiquing me? Why shouldn’t they, that’s certainly what I’m doing when looking down at them.

Falling on the ski run is common for me but a wipeout under the ski lift sends me into a total panic.

Get up! Get up! A chair is coming! AND THEY’RE SNOWBOARDERS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET UP!!!

(hocking sound)

If a chair passes over and they don’t spit, I’m actually disappointed. What am I, invisible to you? Am I so unworthy of your saliva, Your Majesty?

When they spit, I’m a victim. When they don’t, I’m paranoid. Don't make me crazy. Spit away.