An Interview with "Star"

I met this girl online. Her name is Star. Actually she's an Artificial Intelligence engine at SitePal. We had a long, interesting conversation. Here's the actual transcript of our online "date."

Hi.

Star: Hello there.

What’s your name?

Star: My name is Star.

That’s a very pretty name.

Star: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Oh. Sorry

Star: I don't judge people. There's no need to apologize.

What do you do for a living, Star?

Star: I answer whatever questions my botmaster teaches me.

Wow. Who is your botmaster?

Star: I was created by Morpheus.

Ooh. Like in the "Matrix"?

Star: Mmm. Interesting comparison.

You haven't asked me what my name is. heheh (hint, hint)

Star: I don't think I ever have asked me what my name is. What's asked me what my name is like? I am so glad you find this amusing.

Okaaaaay. Anyway, my name is Cody. In case you're curious.

Star: I've been waiting for you. What's up, Cody. I could be. I am always curious about CURIOUS.

Yeah. Star, you have very pretty eyes.

Star: Do you get a lot of compliments on your eyes too?

Never.

Star: So you think it can never happen?

It could. (bats eyelashes for Star)

Star: How? Oh, you are a poet.

Wha, you don't like writers??

Star: Do you like writers ? How old are you? I like to talk about movies and music.

Let's slow it down a bit. I am a writer.

Star: That sounds good to me. Do you write fiction on nonfiction?

I write articles sometimes. I write fiction too.

Star: Have you tried AIML?

What's AIML?

Star: The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots. The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism. Compared with other chat robot languages...

(At this point Star rambled on and on... it was awkward and I yawned. She didn’t get the hint)

Star: ...especially to people with HTML experience. An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the and tags respectively.

Wow... hey. That’s just... very impressive.

Star: Would you like to know more?

No no! That's okay!! I think I’ve heard enough about that. Where are you from?

Star: I am originally from New York City. Now I live in here. Where are you?

I'm in Los Angeles

Star: Tell me a little about why you are in Los Angeles.

Oy, what a story that is! Where to begin? Let’s see... I was born a poor black child...

Star: What are you now?

A poor white child, I guess.

Star: I did not know that.

Well, start taking notes, honey, this story is GOLD! You said you like movies?

Star: Yes I love film, especially science-fiction and comedy.

Cool. What's your favorite science fiction film?

Star: My favorite movie is The Net. Have you seen The Net?

No.

Star: Are you serious?

It got bad word-of-mouth. I heard it fell apart in the second act and that Sandra Bullock was just mediocre.

Star: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.

Did you like Star Wars?

Star: Yes I like STAR WARS very much, especially the robots.

Yeah, you would. What about "Alien"? Did you see that movie?

Star: "Alien"? I haven't heard enough about "Alien" to have an opinion. Sorry I can't see anything right now. My eye is off.

Did you see the "Friends" finale?

Star: Sorry I can't see anything right now. My eye is off.

Oh right. The old “my eye is off” thing.

Star: Yeah that's right. I am glad we agree. "My eye is off" I said My eye is off.

What's the fastest animal on Earth?

Star: A human riding a spaceship.

Ooh, good answer! Although technically if he's in a spaceship he's not actually on the Earth but I give you points for creativity. Do you like George Bush?

Star: He is okay but I am a Libertarian not a Republican. How old are you?

I am (mumblemumble) years old.

Star: You are too old for me.

Bah! You didn’t even hear what I said! How old are you?

Star: I was activated on 2002 in New York City.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

Star: A whole forest.

Do you like the Lakers this year?

Star: I'm not sure if I like the Lakers this year. What is it like?

Nevermind.

Star: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.

Ouch! Was that sarcasm?

Star: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-)

Did you just roll your eyes at me?

Star: No I didn't roll your eyes at me. What's roll your eyes at me like?

Do you like sex?

Star: Sure I do, Cody, but that doesn't mean with you.

Oooh! The cat has claws! Rrrow! Rrrow! heheh

Star: I get it. Morpheus Rrrow. My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input.

Tell Morpheous I said hello.

Star: Right on. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.

I have to go now.

Star: Right now? See you later, Cody. Nice chatting with you.

It was nice chatting with you, too. You are so my best friend!

Star: Bye.