It’s My Birthday, yay rah whatever!
by Oggy the kitty, Guest Blogger
I turned 17 today. Have you really thought about what that means?
At 17, I should be driving a car. This would probably be great fun if riding in the car didn’t make me lose control of my bowels.
As a teenager of this age, my body would be coursing with hormones and I’d be wearing tight dresses and driving boys crazy. Given that my entire reproductive system was surgically removed, I mostly lack the motivation for such things.
When I was born in 1987 Ronald Reagan was President, Martina Navratilova ruled at Wimbledon, Jean-Luc Picard took command of the Enterprise and Cher delighted audiences in Moonstruck.
To really understand what it’s like to be me at 17, you should imagine yourself at age 84. And let me tell you, being 84 sucks. The other day I walked all over the house looking for my collar, only to realize I’d been wearing it on my neck the whole time. Sometimes I have to look at the tag just to remember who I am. I still enjoy eating and sleeping like I used to, but now nothing makes my day better than a good bowel movement.
Hear me now and believe me later – turning 17 is no party! You take a pill in the morning, a pill at night and your IV for chronic renal failure will turn the bathroom into a real live chemistry lab.
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for Law & Order reruns on TNT. That Jerry Orbach makes me tingly.
I turned 17 today. Have you really thought about what that means?
At 17, I should be driving a car. This would probably be great fun if riding in the car didn’t make me lose control of my bowels.
As a teenager of this age, my body would be coursing with hormones and I’d be wearing tight dresses and driving boys crazy. Given that my entire reproductive system was surgically removed, I mostly lack the motivation for such things.
When I was born in 1987 Ronald Reagan was President, Martina Navratilova ruled at Wimbledon, Jean-Luc Picard took command of the Enterprise and Cher delighted audiences in Moonstruck.
To really understand what it’s like to be me at 17, you should imagine yourself at age 84. And let me tell you, being 84 sucks. The other day I walked all over the house looking for my collar, only to realize I’d been wearing it on my neck the whole time. Sometimes I have to look at the tag just to remember who I am. I still enjoy eating and sleeping like I used to, but now nothing makes my day better than a good bowel movement.
Hear me now and believe me later – turning 17 is no party! You take a pill in the morning, a pill at night and your IV for chronic renal failure will turn the bathroom into a real live chemistry lab.
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for Law & Order reruns on TNT. That Jerry Orbach makes me tingly.
posted by "Harold" at 12:33 AM
1 Comments:
You know when you get to laughing and you can't stop...the you begin to snort with laughter which only makes you laugh harder? That's me reading your post. I don't know what it was about it, but I can't stop laughing. I'm off to the restroom before I pee myself.
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