From the Headlines...

Slump Threatens Terror Website

After four months of record-breaking internet traffic, the “Islamic Death Jihad” website has recently seen a steady decline in hits. The site has been both a recruiting tool for terror and the mouthpiece for the “Iraqi Jihad” insurgent movement.

For IDJ’s webmaster, Fazul Al-Din, the decrease in traffic has taken a personal toll.

“Every day it gets more difficult,” says Fazul. “I weep and pray to Allah as I check with Sitemeter and see the paltry count of hits. Gone are the days when the videos of our horrific beheadings lit up the web like the great lantern of God.”

Videos of decapitations just a few months ago were glory days for the website which was forced to change its ISP when the traffic reached 50,000 hits a day.

“Those were good times,” says Fazul. “Sarim and Mohammed came running in from Mosul stinking of gunpowder and goat’s milk, and when I showed them the site counter, they lifted me on their shoulders. ‘God is great and so is Fazul!’ they shouted!”

Fazul blames the site’s decline on the market saturation of video executions as well as the proliferation of pirated beheading videos.

“Our last beheading was for sale in a Baghdad gas station just one day after we posted it. That is crazy. People are crooks, I tell you.”

The members of Iraqi Jihad have considered radical ideas for luring web surfers back to their beheadings, to no avail. “Mohammed suggested we get a bigger knife,” says Fazul. “Sarim wanted to dress as Marie Antoinette, which made no sense. The idea was confusing and completely out of context. I can’t believe Sarim actually suggested it. I’m embarrassed just repeating it. The point is, beheadings just aren’t shocking anymore.”

“Now they come to me with empty hearts. ‘Fazul, we have had a hard day of kidnapping and murdering Iraqi innocents,’ they say. ‘How are the hits? Are they using the new comments system?’ they ask me. ‘Do the people shower us with praise for our glorious killings?’”

Remarkably, the site had only received one new comment that day, which was simply “U suxxors” left by a username 1yummy69.

High profile sponsors such as Abu Cola, Burkas-4-Less, and Expedia.com have all pulled ads from the site since web traffic declined.

As for finding new sponsors, Fazul says he’s down but not out.

“Allah be praised, the internet is constantly evolving!” he says. “Amazon.com has a wonderful Associates Program, and I am reading really good things about Google Ad Sense.”