How Come I Can’t Find a Finger in Something??

Well, last month, Yahoo enjoyed giving us the daily updates on the finger found in the Wendy’s chili.

Now we have the latest story of a finger found in some frozen custard.

"I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream... to make it a treat. So I said, 'OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is.'"

Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it. So he went to his kitchen, rinsed it off with water — and "just started screaming."

Chilling? Yes. But now I realize I've been wasting my life doing the rat race. Can you imagine how much money this guy is going to rake in?

My only hope is that, like celebrity deaths, finding severed fingers comes in threes. I'm surely not the first one to be thinking of this and will have lots of competition. But while other fortune seekers are sifting through their Wendy's chili, I'll be looking elsewhere. What are the odds that lightning will strike there twice?

Where will the next finger be found? A snak-pac of tapioca? Lunchroom container of applesauce? How about a finger in a ladle of movie theater nacho cheese goo?! No wonder the Mexicans are sneaking across the border... this is the land of opportunity!

After I score my finger, I won't forget the little people, or retire or anything like that. No sir. I intend to enlist custard finger guy and Wendy’s chili finger woman in a three-person lecture tour. We'll sign autographs at tractor pulls throughout the South, appear at Walmart ribbon cuttings and travel the country speaking to kids in gymnasiums about the dangers advantages of eating spoon foods too quickly.

A fella can dream, can't he? I just might own property in Southern California yet!