Who Graduates From Middle School??

Did you graduate from middle school? I don’t mean did you finish middle school, I mean did you have a scheduled event where your family got dressed up to see you get a diploma for not failing the sixth through the eighth grades?














Well, this past Wednesday night, (aka a “school night”) my street was streaming with traffic. Horns are honking. Kids are screaming, adults are giggling, while cops are everywhere and a police helicopter circles overhead. And this is at 11:20pm!! God forbid anyone in the neighborhood has to get up early the next morning. Nope, we all put our lives on hold to congratulate little Johnny on learning that hola means hello.

Why. Why are they having this event??

Here’s a newsflash… in the big wheel of life, the three years between grade school and high school are absolutely nothing special. “Graduating” from eighth grade sends our impressionable preteens exactly the wrong message, which is…

Graduations don’t matter. They’re like birthday cake and American Idol winners. Hang around five minutes and another one will show up.

In fact, why don’t we all just go find our high school diplomas, pull down our pants and take a big dump on them right now?! Cause, thanks to Wilson Middle School in Glendale, California, graduation means nothing.

You completed your book report of “A Wrinkle in Time” and learned how to add fractions -- congratulations on your degree from the eighth grade!! Why, whatever will you do now?! Perhaps you’ll join the Peace Corp or travel Europe and put that five weeks of French to good use! After all, you’re twelve years old, persevered through Spelling, and have the world in your prepubescent clutches.














Listen parents, take your eighth grader to Sizzler and let them have extra sprinkles at the ice cream bar -- not because they finished another grade but because it's just another damn Wednesday!! And teachers, get the kids' attention and talk to them a bit about how difficult high school is going to be. And do it during classroom hours so the police cars and Glendale helicopters can be chasing criminals and arresting gang bangers.

People need to stop being crazy…