Oggy Turns 18 -- Ships Off for Fallujah
Well, Oggy has had another birthday. That's right, Glendale California's favorite geriatric kitty is another year older. Like many 18 year olds, she's thinking of forgoing college in favor of enlisting in the Army.
Meanwhile, the specifics of the event allow me permission to trot out her birthday statement with just a few digits changed. That's right, it's another simple blog entry for me.
Yahooo to summertime laziness!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, YAY RAH WHATEVER!
by Oggy the kitty, Guest Blogger
I turned 18 today. Have you really thought about what that means?
At 18, I should be driving a car. This would probably be great fun if riding in the car didn’t make me lose control of my bowels.
As a teenager of this age, my body would be coursing with hormones and I’d be wearing tight dresses and driving boys crazy. Given that my entire reproductive system was surgically removed, I mostly lack the motivation for such things.
When I was born in 1987 Ronald Reagan was President, Martina Navratilova ruled at Wimbledon, Jean-Luc Picard took command of the Enterprise and Cher delighted audiences in Moonstruck.
To really understand what it’s like to be me at 18, you should imagine yourself at age 92. And let me tell you, being 92 sucks. The other day I walked all over the house looking for my collar, only to realize I’d been wearing it on my neck the whole time. Sometimes I have to look at the tag just to remember who I am. I still enjoy eating and sleeping like I used to, but now nothing makes my day better than a good bowel movement.
Hear me now and believe me later – turning 18 is no party! You take a pill in the morning, a pill at night and your IV for chronic renal failure will turn the bathroom into a real live chemistry lab.
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for Law & Order reruns on TNT. That Jerry Orbach makes me tingly.
Meanwhile, the specifics of the event allow me permission to trot out her birthday statement with just a few digits changed. That's right, it's another simple blog entry for me.
Yahooo to summertime laziness!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, YAY RAH WHATEVER!
by Oggy the kitty, Guest Blogger
I turned 18 today. Have you really thought about what that means?
At 18, I should be driving a car. This would probably be great fun if riding in the car didn’t make me lose control of my bowels.
As a teenager of this age, my body would be coursing with hormones and I’d be wearing tight dresses and driving boys crazy. Given that my entire reproductive system was surgically removed, I mostly lack the motivation for such things.
When I was born in 1987 Ronald Reagan was President, Martina Navratilova ruled at Wimbledon, Jean-Luc Picard took command of the Enterprise and Cher delighted audiences in Moonstruck.
To really understand what it’s like to be me at 18, you should imagine yourself at age 92. And let me tell you, being 92 sucks. The other day I walked all over the house looking for my collar, only to realize I’d been wearing it on my neck the whole time. Sometimes I have to look at the tag just to remember who I am. I still enjoy eating and sleeping like I used to, but now nothing makes my day better than a good bowel movement.
Hear me now and believe me later – turning 18 is no party! You take a pill in the morning, a pill at night and your IV for chronic renal failure will turn the bathroom into a real live chemistry lab. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for Law & Order reruns on TNT. That Jerry Orbach makes me tingly.
posted by "Harold" at 8:45 PM
3 Comments:
Lucky you that Oggy already has two paws in the grave (well, at 92 pretty much, yeah) or she would totally steal the spotlight from you in your own blog... ;)
oooh! I love Oggy blogs. Happy birthday to her!
Happy Birthday, Oggie!
You know you've out-lived Jerry Orbach, right? Uuh, ask Codos about it.
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