Saturday, March 26, 2005

Port-o-Potty Truck Driver Cooked my Goose!

by Selma Jensen, guest blogger


Well, they’ve finally done it! They finally got rid of old Selma!

For over nine years, I’ve been the crossing guard at Wilson Middle School in Glendale, California, but no more! So if you perverts can stop searching for porn for ten lousy seconds, let me regale you with my latest tale of woe!


They wouldn’t listen to yours truly, that this ten million dollar school renovation would put traffic and the entire neighborhood in one ripe tizzy. It wasn’t enough that I have to protect our nation’s innocents as they cross the street from their own rude parents, now I have to wave off beer-breathing contractors in cement trucks catcalling at nubile bodied thirteen year olds from behind their Raybans! Throw in the Oriental UPS delivery man and the substitute Xerox toner salesman driving his pimp car and you’ve got chaos!

But it was no one from that rogues gallery who did me in, nosiree. It was the Mexican teenage hipster driving the flatbed truck of port-o-potties who ran over my left foot! One trip to the ER and a back-door meeting of shady city reps later and yours truly is sent packing.

That’s right folks, I’m out!

For nine years I’ve been your champion of safety – only to be struck down by a Mexican illegal driving 12 tons of blue urine to a Santa Monica storm drain!

Well, long story short, my Bernstein is calling their Bernstein so we shall see! Meanwhile…

It has come to my attention that in the twelve months since I have guest hosted posted in this forum, not one of you sorry slackers has asked of my whereabouts or my health. You "blog" people are the sorriest, uncaring lot I’ve ever seen, I’ll tell you that!

But while I’m stuck at home and “Harold” is off having online hookers perform Lord knows what, you may have to endure hearing from old Selma now and then. As will those crooks at Wilson Middle School...

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