At Least The Lesbian Moved Out

Life has been quite a rollercoaster lately.

Some social ups and downs, writing doldrums, work pressures and at times the So Cal heat have taken their toll on me. But in all this, I do have a new mantra:

"At least the lesbian downstairs moved out."

A year and a half ago my car was dented. If it weren't for good old Selma Jenkins, the middle school crossing guard I would have never gotten the facts.

Selma came over to ask if I had noticed my fender dent and I had not. After showing me the damage, she explained that a black truck tried to park beside me, but hit my car. She said a latino man got out, surveyed what he'd done, then reparked his truck around front without leaving a note.

"That's no man," I said.

So the downstairs lesbian played dumb until I told her I had a witness who told me the whole thing. She paid for the damage after dragging her heels for months. Since then, she and I had been shooting glares at each other. And whenever there have been problems in my apartment building, I naturally attributed them to her (which was probably correct).

And so, with life's hectic pace lately, at least the lesbian downstairs moved out. I applaud the other lesbian downstairs for her wise choice.

I may have been too busy to post lately, but not too busy to play with this week's link. When Vader reads your mind before 17 questions all sorts of interesting things happen.

I found Boba Fett leading away a guy in a chicken costume easily the most amusing. Who knew Burger King had such a sense of humor?

Revenge of the Sith: RAVE Reviews!

With Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith being out less than 24 hours, the marketing wizards plan to blitz the airwaves by showcasing the film's stellar buzz!

Here's the earliest and hottest reviews!!!

"There were some kinda good parts." -- Fort Lee Star News

"Didn't totally suck!" -- Dallas Jedi Fan Club

"Sith raises the bar, making us hate The Phantom Menace even more!" Some Newspaper in Canada

"Not bad. Jar Jar Binks only shows up like once." -- Timmy Tamlin's This is My Blog

"Remember, the last episode of Seinfeld stank too." -- Entertainment Weekly

AWESOME! I met a really hot girl while waiting in line!" -- Rolling Stone

"Oh my God! They're totally slamming the Bush Administration, aren't they!?" -- Decatur High School Young Democrats.

"I was so scared I actually pee'd myself! Wait... this isn't Revenge of the Sith, it's House of Wax. Dude... we totally went in the wrong theater!" -- Max "Banjo" Murphy, Phoenix Junior Business College

Congrats to George Lucas for making another gazillion dollars!!

Fox Gets Arrested

Good news for fans of Arrested Development!

The show got picked up by Fox for a third season. Yahoooo!

Almost Links on the List

Check out suspected backward masking by inputting an audio file and hearing it played backwards on Talk Backwards.com. They also have sample files for your listening pleasure.

From the almost a link category, there's Whore College.org. Boy, it really doesn't take much to get the org suffix, does it?

I guess Unrepentent Whore was a little too much. It was given the com.

Satanic Guest House

The following was a real ad in the Los Angeles Craig's List.

$700 / 1br - Satanic guest House
1 Bedroom private guest house, on dirt road in hills overlooking Broadway / Mission Rd. Walls drip with blood, overpowering stench of death -- but the views are nice! DO NOT FLAG THIS AD FOR BEING IN THE WRONG CATEGORY AGAIN, THERE IS NO SEPERATE CATEGORY FOR SATANIC GUEST HOUSES! STOOPID!

(credit to blogging.la for the find)

New Links...

I'm not much into these quizzes, but in keeping with the daily posting, here are a couple links that were great time wasters.

First, we have Are You a Jehovah's Witness, which is a little more serious than I'd like.

To make up for that, here's the Zombie Survival Test. When dead start rising to feast on the living, will your skills cut the mustard?

Freedom Tower... Good Idea??

I understand that it's important for the psyche of New York City and our country that we rebuild at the site of the World Trade Center.

But I had not been aware that the new Freedom Tower will be given the title of world's tallest building (however briefly).

Now, I don't want to be a naysayer... and I don't like caving to terrorists... but does a new building on this site have to be the tallest building in the world? And does it have to be called the "Freedom Tower"? Do these things really pay tribute to the victims of 9/11?

Will this building also have a giant cartoon target on the side of it? Because I can't imagine a better way to lure terrorists, short of a written invitation that says "I double dog dare ya to knock this down".

Now before you call me unpatriotic, or give me the oh we can't think that way lecture, please ask yourself this question...

Would you work inside this building??

How Come I Can’t Find a Finger in Something??

Well, last month, Yahoo enjoyed giving us the daily updates on the finger found in the Wendy’s chili.

Now we have the latest story of a finger found in some frozen custard.

"I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream... to make it a treat. So I said, 'OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is.'"

Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it. So he went to his kitchen, rinsed it off with water — and "just started screaming."

Chilling? Yes. But now I realize I've been wasting my life doing the rat race. Can you imagine how much money this guy is going to rake in?

My only hope is that, like celebrity deaths, finding severed fingers comes in threes. I'm surely not the first one to be thinking of this and will have lots of competition. But while other fortune seekers are sifting through their Wendy's chili, I'll be looking elsewhere. What are the odds that lightning will strike there twice?

Where will the next finger be found? A snak-pac of tapioca? Lunchroom container of applesauce? How about a finger in a ladle of movie theater nacho cheese goo?! No wonder the Mexicans are sneaking across the border... this is the land of opportunity!

After I score my finger, I won't forget the little people, or retire or anything like that. No sir. I intend to enlist custard finger guy and Wendy’s chili finger woman in a three-person lecture tour. We'll sign autographs at tractor pulls throughout the South, appear at Walmart ribbon cuttings and travel the country speaking to kids in gymnasiums about the dangers advantages of eating spoon foods too quickly.

A fella can dream, can't he? I just might own property in Southern California yet!

All Things Cosby

When two unrelated events converge, we are directed to sit up and take notice!

Such is the case when I stumbled upon two Bill Cosby web toons within 24 hours. What is this new fascination with Dr. William Henry Cosby Jr. Ed.D?

Check out House of Cosby's cartoon pilot. Then play the Bill Cosby Fun Game.

Both are a delightfully irreverent hoot!

It's May!!

And what does that mean?

May means… May sweeps! To pick up the pace in posting I’ll post here every day for the next week.

May means… the anniversary of “The Simms” Potty Pack expansion where users can send their simulated people to simulated bathrooms! Happy Birthday, fake toilets!

May means… that my ex-roommate has ignored my “before next month” deadline to have all his things out of the apartment. No one’s moving in, it’s just that he moved out two months ago and now I’ve gone from easygoing friend to pushover-free-storage-space-guy. Maybe it’s time to do some selling on ebay…

May Means it's Military Appreciation Month, Older Americans Month, and National Bike Month. So next time you see a senior citizen on a bike in uniform, be sure to salute!

May means… heading back to Tassajara next month. Friends kid me that I get more action at the Buddhist monastery than I do in Los Angeles. That’s not exactly true, but I hope to lose 15 pounds by then since there’s so much nakedness there. My plan is to do one hour of cardio six days a week all month.

Finally, May means… a bloody battle between Annie’s Month of May and Mary’s Month of May internet pages. Will it turn into a slugfest? Will Mary talk trash about Annie in the usergroups? Will Annie sabotage Mary’s ISP to retaliate?

We’ll find out here in Maaaaaay!