Friday, January 30, 2004

Thoughtlets...


Just a few half-thoughts to make up for the blogless week:

1) Spent the day with the previously mentioned Jack and Annette. What wonderful people! I drove them up the coast near Vandenberg Airforce Base and we had a blast. (That IS Jack in the bunny suit below after escaping the over turned car)...

2) I am more excited about the Survivor All-Stars than I am the Super Bowl...

3) Uch... I'm pretty sure the stomach problem I've had since mid-December is a hernia. Yes, it beats cancer, but I have no medical insurance. Uch indeed!

4) Finally... no pay, but it's a credit. :-)

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Frank the Bunny Imposter?


Jack and Annette are a couple from Louisiana that I met through ebay. They're doing a trip out West this week and will be stopping in Los Angeles for a face-to-face meet. Like myself, Jack is a collector of space emblems and I'm excited for him to see my collection. I haven't bought an emblem/patch in years due to lack of funds.


This is a photo they sent me years ago. Everytime I look at this, it makes me smile... then I get a strange unsettling feeling. Something very Lynch-ian about it.

My friend Gordon came over last night just to hang out. Star Trek: First Contact was on cable so we drank beer and watched the Borg scenes, then muted the TV when they'd cut back to the boring Riker/Troi/Geordi stuff on the planet. Then Crank Yankers was on Comedy Central. What a strange/ingenius use of puppets!

While Gordon was roaming the net, he chanced upon Worster Album Covers Ever, which I hadn't seen. So that's my pick for the week.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Snoopy Dogg?


Check this out... Wow, I'm so inspired to do something like this.

** Link is dead... guess they got in trouble.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Please... hold your applause


I’m trying to remember… at what point did the State of the Union Address become 30% shameless ass-kissing applause? Clinton used to get interrupted by applause too. So did George Bush Sr. because I remember specifically that "Saturday Night Live" did a spoof of it in 1991.

Michael J. Fox was the host, and Dana Carvey did a sketch of George Bush doing the State of the Union. All Bush had to say was “Operation Desert Storm” and all of Congress jumped to their feet and applauded for 30 seconds. Michael J. Fox kept leaping up at inappropriate times.

I’m pretty sure that going to the State of the Union used to be like going to church. People were known to nod off. And clapping simply wasn’t done unless some kids sang a hymn or something and were exceptionally adorable, a phenomenon that almost never occurs during the State of the Union.

The Address (heretofore referred to as the SotU) used to be nothing but a speech. Now it’s a completely orchestrated show whose producers know at what points to tug on your heartstrings, and how to make you fall in love with the main character.

All the elements are there. You’ve got your show opening (the introduction), your studio audience (Congress), your co-host/sidekick (Dick Cheney) and generally several cameo appearances (guests) pointed out by the host. I think the first President to pepper the SotU with stand-up material or an incontinent monkey from the San Diego zoo will be the greatest Commander in Chief ever.

It must have been very tricky to be a Democrat in the audience with everyone applauding every sentence. You’d really have to think quickly before putting your hands together knowing both your political party and your constituents are watching.

Applauding the heroism of our troops? Good. Applauding the Presidents tax cuts? Bad. It would be very easy to get confused and have to answer to someone the next day.

“Senator Dave, what were you thinking applauding the President’s ‘excess litigation’ comment? Didn’t you know that was a stab at Democrat, John Edwards?”

“Oh, uh… I applauded, but it was uh… sarcastic applause. Yeah. Couldn’t you tell?”


Which reminds me… I wonder what the longest sustained SotU applause was (not including introductions and completions). Is some Rand Corporation “Rainman”-type out there keeping those kinds of statistics?

As usual, the “Democratic Response” was a total snoozer. Why? No applause. Come on, guys. Rent a cheap studio in Virginia or something, get an audience and put on a real show of your own. Better yet, build a “set” identical to the House Chamber and fill it with suited extras. Then you can orchestrate as many standing ovations as you want. People will think George W. was just the opening act!

And if Joan Embery loses a python on the Senate floor? You're goin' all the way to the White House!

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Savvy Programming


Our President doesn't like attention to divert from him for too long (kinda like Britney Spears) so "The George W Show" will air tonight on all the networks.

Del sent me this State of the Union drinking game to make the address a little more fun. Pace yourself for those long applause segments if you want to be conscious for the whole show.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Caucus-a-Rockus


At Monday press time, it looks good for my man John Kerry getting the Iowa caucus. Guess my endorsement had more power than I thought. Yeah, yeah, John did some legwork too blah blah...

I awakened this morning to find an email from my friend John in Owensboro. I've edited our email exchange about the candidates together. Turns out we're pretty good political analysts...

John: Lots o' luck to Kerry today in the caucuses. I've been wondering all along how Howard Dean had been the frontrunner. I actually think anyone would be better than Dean.

Me: I agree... I just can't picture him sitting behind the desk.

John: You can always see Dean’s lower teeth when he speaks and smiles, and I hate that. Here's the order I would put the candidates: John Edwards, John Kerry, Gen. Wesley Clark, Howard Dean, Dick Gephardt. Did I leave anyone out?

Me: You left out Lieberman. So smart... so forgettable.

John: Lieberman's about as exciting as the dirty socks I threw down the basement steps to the laundry this morning.

Me: He always looks like he didn't have a balanced breakfast that morning.

John: He makes Gerald Ford look like a wild man.

Me: I think he's low on blood sugar, or something.

John: Gephardt reminds me of someone I don't like, so screw him.

Me: I think Clark is a fraud.


See? That's the kind of keen, insightful analysis that's lacking in the media these days. Who needs Evans and Novak? Look for John and me to guest next week on CNN's Crossfire!!

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Not so Sunday


I should be spending the day trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up. Instead, I'm playing on the blog and on the internet. God my life needs direction...

I just found out that I can use the counter on this site and find out how people are landing here. Quite interesting! Seems that "Cellar Door" is #7 on the list if you perform a search for "blended margarita." This is quite inspirational, and I am now considering dedicating this entire site to blended margaritas in an epic quest to become #1! (Yeah, Baja Bob You're goin down, son!!)

What can I say, I dream big.

I've combed the net diligently and discovered a worthy Link of the Week. I know you'll enjoy it.

Coming in at a close second is this Elmo Autopsy which about had me falling out of my chair. Warning! Graphic photos! ;-)

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Planning Some Changes




Looking to do some more construction here. Some of the changes will be minor, others (hopefully) will be more noticeable. Traffic will likely increase...

Meanwhile, I appreciate the support of my friends and those of you that have posted this site elsewhere. See you soon...

Friday, January 16, 2004

Blogging While at Work...


Yes, before you know it, I'll have installed one of those Panic Buttons where you click and your screen immediately becomes a pie chart or something else "work looking" in case the boss comes along.

But with a 50% attendance record here in the Pasadena office, why not? My coworker Sydnee has put up a Johnny Depp poster to celebrate the absence of "the man" today.

Speaking of Johnny Depp, I learned this morning that Jack Sparrow is apparently one of the most celebrated fictional characters on the web. Who's Jack Sparrow, you ask? That's Depp's character from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. A search of the name brings up tons of sites, including this one dedicated solely to his eye liner.

Meanwhile, Sydnee, in response to yesterday's entry, seemed to think George W's quest for Mars was simply another level of his imperialist agenda. Maybe this time there will be less insurgents and we'll finally get the Martian rose-throwing welcome we deserve.

Thursday, January 15, 2004


Left Coast Agenda

While reading George W's plan for Mars and the moon yesterday I started trying to figure out what his motivation could be for such an announcement.

Lucrative aerospace contracts to his Texas buddies? Courting space industry voters in Florida? Come on, George W. Bush: the space dreamer? I don't buy it. Suddenly I had to question myself... where was this paranoia coming from?

I'm a HUGE advocate of the manned space program (however misconceived it is). In fact, that was one of my comments when the War on Terror started and the debt skyrocketed, 'There goes the space program,' I said. Why am I so skeptical of a grand plan to revive it?

Maybe its because the budget surplus we had became the largest federal deficit in history practically overnight. Yeah, 480 billion dollars... let's go to Mars, shall we? Hey, why don't we guarantee every American free healthcare by 2110 too? But like Dick Cheney says, 'Reagan proved that deficits don't matter.'

Hey Dick, will you talk to Citibank about my credit card bill?

Not only do I not believe his plan will actually happen, I don't think Mr. Bush is sincere about it in the first place. I believe he has set up a plan which he knows someone else will axe.

As I marvelled at my own skepticism of our President, I realized that it's probably due to the fact that I haven't spouted my crazy Hollywood liberal values enough lately. No, no, I've been stuffing it far too much! We've had it confirmed that Bush had his invasion on the table from day one. Now it's quite clear that he and his buddies would have presented any half-truth they could find to be evidence in order to press their agenda.

Yes, yes, a terrible dictator has been removed from power. But, I for one don't like being lied to. Especially when our kids are over there dying every day.

I respect everyone's right to have an opinion, even if it's not mine. I just urge people not to blindly accept what our leaders are telling us.

To have a little fun while you learn, check out this site which posts winning political commercials submitted from amateurs all over the country.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

From the Headlines...


Euro-Scientists Accused of ‘Rover-Envy’

“Simply Awesome!” That’s how scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory describe the adrenaline rush from the success of their Mars ‘Spirit’ rover this past week. The Mars probe mission has performed flawlessly thus far with Mission Controllers releasing dozens of color photos in the past 48 hours.

But not everyone was enthusiastic.

“It’s just more American arrogance,” says Belgium scientist Nathan Shingle, with the European Space Agency (ESA). The agency’s own Mars rover, ‘Beagle’, has not responded to signals since its scheduled landing in December and is presumed lost. “There’s nothing more loathsome than seeing NASA eggheads dance around doing high-fives, ‘Look at me, look at me!’ We’re on Mars!’ Bleh, whatever.”

Mars Project Manager James August accused the Europeans of suffering from ‘Rover-Envy.’ “Looks like someone used a bargain brand rover,” said August. He went on to state that two out of three scientists surveyed preferred NASA rovers over the no-name brand rover.

“Says who?” countered Shingle, heatedly. “There’s no survey, they are making that up!”

As for the color photos from ‘Spirit’, Shingle and his German counterpart, Vaas Hoffseig, seemed unimpressed.

“Have you seen those pictures?” said Hoffseig. “Big whoop! I swear they took the old Viking photos from 1977 and just Photoshopped them. I laughed when I saw them!”

“I thought they were boring,” Shingle interjected.

“They were funny and boring,” Hoffseig added. “I laughed, then quickly fell asleep.”

August shrugged off the Rover Envy with a grin. “If those guys want some help we’d be glad to, you know, give them a few pointers. Maybe our rover will stumble over their dead one, and we can give it a little push. What’s it called again? Bagel?”



Man Summoned to ‘Springer’ Taping Shocked to Find Marriage Over

28-year old Doug Cruise was shocked on Monday to find that his three-year marriage to wife Christina was over. After being invited to Chicago by the producers of “The Jerry Springer Show,” Cruise learned that Christina, 26, had been having an affair with his best friend, Carl.

“Christina had been kind of aloof for about six months, but I didn’t think much of it,” said Cruise. “When she mentioned she had a secret, and that she’d announce it on ‘Jerry Springer’ with me and my buddy Carl, I thought it sounded like fun!”

Cruise said his experience on the show was anything but fun.

“The three of us were on stage and she announced in front of everyone that she and Carl were in love. Everyone was cheering and I couldn’t believe it. People on the show were nice, but as far as secrets go, this one was a disappointment.”

Cruise had been curious about his wife’s secret but had no idea it was that Christina was sleeping with his best friend. “I thought maybe she was getting her ears pierced again or something, er... I don’t know what I thought.”

As for his friendship with Carl, Cruise was not optimistic. “Carl and me have always been best buds, but I’m not so sure now.”

Cruise also said the ‘Springer’ stage was much smaller than he expected. “It looks much, much bigger on TV. From the stage entrance to the audience front row was only like two steps. That was weird.”

Tuesday, January 06, 2004


Changed the Link of the Week... This site is done under the guise that they've found a way to remove the touch-ups and airbrushes from celebrity photos. It's mildly amusing, with a bit of a yechh factor.

Excuse Me While I Ruin the Movie...


There’s nothing better than going to a movie and getting completely engrossed in the story. What better way to leave your cares behind than by entering the fantasy world of the big screen? Especially when that fantasy world involves wizards, Rangers, Hobbits and epic battles! Luckily I was able to do just that while going to see Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. What a spectacle!

To me, the most fascinating character was the mighty wizard Gandalf. So regal, mysterious and full of surprises! One can only wonder at his reasons for using his power so sparingly. People of our universe couldn’t begin to entertain the logic of these heroes. I loved when Gandalf galloped out on his horse and used his magical staff to project the light that scared away the flying lizards... but I couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t use it again when they returned to the fortress and were snatching and crushing the good guys in their mighty claws. The scary-frighty light would have been quite handy at that time.

I’m certain that others wondered this as well. It was likely a question on the minds of so many extras— I mean soldiers as their city was under the fierce volley from the orcs’ catapults. I can’t help but think that one of them turned to Gandalf at that moment.

“Sir,” perhaps he said, “You are indeed a powerful wizard. Might this be a good time to cast a giant fireball and blast the approaching enemy catapults to dust and cinder?”

The line was likely cut in the director’s valiant efforts to keep the movie under five hours. “Might I suggest a magical tornado that will scatter the battering ram like an Alabama trailer park?” Gandalf probably combed his beard, or tied his shoe, pretending not to hear. More likely he was lost in thought, regretting the order to leave the Treants, those sturdy living tree creatures, back at the tower where Christopher Lee was hiding out. Perhaps just two or four tree guys could have guarded Count Dooku— I mean Saruman, while the bulk of the tree army would have been quite useful in this battle. But hey... hindsight!

Similarly, Gandalf’s timing when he summoned the giant eagles was also puzzling. I’m sure the soldiers gave their appearance a great round of applause... only wishing they’d have shown up half an hour earlier, before the entire 4th infantry had been tossed off the side of the mountain. But Gandalf is most wise! He clearly knew something we did not and held on to the eagles until the right moment.

“Gandalf!! Might you at least try a card trick to distract this troll from killing us all??!” But Gandalf, ever the rascal, cupped his hand to his ear to feign deafness. “Eh what’s that sonny?”

Again. Cut for time.

Legolas, the longhaired Elven master of archery was also a crowd favorite. His character was a great example of how this film achieved a completely engrossing movie-going experience with painstaking attention to detail. Case in point, the elf’s left ear was pierced!

I tried to see if the other elves had pierced ears, but most of them seemed to hide their lobes with their hair. I thought it odd that Legolas would have gotten his ear pierced and yet opt to not wear some sort of stud or loop in the tiny hole. Elves of MiddleEarth do look somewhat androgynous... perhaps all the elves opted to remove their earrings when spending time with the more macho humans for fear of looking too “gay.” (I don’t mean this in a bad way, so much as I mean the elves might be quite sensitive about the fact that they don't grow good beards, and the humans are constantly taking their women)

Okay, that’s probably waaaay over thinking it. More likely it was that Legolas had gotten the piercing on a whim when he was a teenager and suddenly none of the elves were doing earrings anymore. Everyone nowadays was all into their rings (hence the title of the movie). But again, we can only speculate...

When immersed in a fantasy film, it’s best to not assume that things you see are anachronisms. Case in point, while watching Attack of the Clones on cable last month, I noticed that Anikin Skywalker (or maybe it was Owen Lars, I can’t remember) had stretch “dimples” on the shoulders of his cloak from where it had sat on the clothes hangar. It seemed quite logical that, though we never glimpsed clothes hangers (wire or otherwise) in the "Star Wars" universe, they more than likely used them. Especially on a planet such as Tattooine, which, aside from moisture vaporators, did not seem as technologically evolved as other areas of the Republic who had perhaps progressed far beyond the hangar, into other cloak storage gadgets. It would seem quite logical that Tattooine had just barely advanced past clothes hooks, racks and door jams, making a clothes hangar a real find. (The Jawas probably hoarded them!) I would also venture that hangar dimples were accentuated on Tattooine due to an increased gravitational pull on the planets surface. But all of this is, of course, speculation. We won’t know more about the hangars until George Lucas reveals it.

Back to Orlando Bloom-- I mean Legolas... his battle to take down the giant mastodons was THE BEST! Leaping from one of the creature’s massive legs to another, I kept waiting for him to take a long rope and run around the elephant very fast until their legs got tangled. The beast would have collapsed on its side in such an obvious homage to Luke Skywalker that Legolas would have certainly looked to the camera and given us a wink. What a crowd-pleasing moment that would have been! Anyone want to bet we’ll see that on the Director’s Cut?

So there you have it! Every now and then, a film is done with such artistry that it transcends pop culture and transports the viewer to another land without distraction. If you want to get completely lost in a movie, Return of the King should be your choice. If you want more, the movie leaves it open, and I’m sure Frodo will come back and reunite the gang for more sequel adventures.

And if you can’t wait till then, I hear the trilogy is coming out in book form soon!

Thursday, January 01, 2004

It's January Again


There's nothing better than the freshness of a new year. It's the universe's clean slate. It's life's way of wadding up the calendar, tossing a 3 pointer into the waste can and saying "DO OVER!"

2004... it has a nice ring to it. I'm optimistic.

Went to Gary and Nikki's for New Years Eve. Brought along my friends Gordon and Jenny. Most of the evening was in the back yard crowded around a fire. Guess that's why my clothes smell like a burning building. I got home around 5am.

Got up at 8am, then 2pm, then 4pm. No, not sick, just wakey-sleepy. And, oh my! Jolly Time popcorn has a microwave Cheese Popcorn that is out of this world! I ate two bags of it for lunch. Go try it. Thank me later.

Resolutions: I want to read more fiction this year... Get out of debt... Gonna try to cook gumbo... Work out three times a week (I know, I know, less cheese popcorn)...

I have other goals but they're not all G rated.

Hey, look, it's the weekend!